Thursday, November 4, 2010

So Thankful

for really good friends, and especially to my sister Millie. Yesterday I had a terrible day, it seems one of my worst moments and the month has just begun. As most of you know my son Chris who is Downs Syndrome has really been acting up. Really he's 25 yrs old but for some odd reason he is going through his terrible two's. From temper tamtrums to just being stubborn, it is driving me nuts. Well yesterday I finally broke, I mean really just broke down in the street crying because he refused to get on the bus, he stood his ground and said nope I'm not going. Now if you know any child with special needs, then you know that once they stand their ground it's like a force within them and you just can't move them. He began the morning with an attitude, and began his ritual of saying I hate this, I hate that. I knew it was going to be a bad one, but I just couldn't take it anymore and my body and emotions gave in. I just cried told the bus driver to leave, and then just cried, but in that hopeless moment one of my good friends was walking by and started talking to Chris, in this same moment the matron got off the bus went over to me and just Hugged me and said everything is going to be okay, you need to relax we will try to get him to get on the bus. The bus Driver and GOD BLESS this driver parked the bus and made sure along with my friend that Chris got on this bus. I was crying uncontrollably my friend told me to go inside get myself together, my nerves were so bad that I started throwing up, called his social coordinator and told her I can't do this anymore HELP me please. So we made a few calls and yesterday I carried out the decision that has laid heavily in my heart, and with tears and anguish but yet taking comfort from the social worker on the phone, knowing that I have made the right decision. It's not easy, for me and yet some people may judge me, but you don't walk in my shoes to fully understand what an emotional and tormenting year this has been. I love my son Chris, that is without a doubt he made me a MOM first, it was because of him that I wanted more children. He was so loving, and sometimes I still see that but I think that he is ready for far more than I can give him. I'm still emotional about it all, and though I've made the decision doesn't mean that it all happens overnight, and that is probably good cause it gives me time to adjust to it all.To my friend Lissette who saw me at my worst, thank you for the beautiful yellow roses you made my night a little brighter. To my sister Millie, thank you for being so supportive and for being there not only for me, but for Elisa too. You taking her to school for me to ensure that she gets there on time, and so that I can deal with Chris has been a blessing. Thanks for reading, please continue to pray for us.

4 comments:

Julie Tucker-Wolek said...

dear sweet dolores...i read this with tears streaming down my face, feeling your pain and wanting to reach out and give you a hug and hold you.....i know that the decision you made has got to be the hardest one ever in your life...and i am sure that it will never be easy....but i will never judge you....i can't even imagine what you have gone through in the past 25 years....love ya girl...and i hope your heavy heart is a little lighter today... :):):):):):):):):):)

LynneForsythe said...

LOVE YOU GIRL!!!! let them judge...you know the truth of your decision!! HUGE HUGS YOUR WAY SWEETS!!

floridagirl said...

my heart aches for you Dolores...I sincerely hope that things will only get better for you. Someone once told me that you never know how strong you are - until you Have to be Strong!! I think you are one of the strongest Ladies I know!!! HUGS

TanishaRenee said...

Hey girl, you have me all teary eyed reading your post. I will pray for you and your family. Know that whoever judges you for your decision does not have your best interest at heart...so forget about them!! You know you can always call me if you need a shoulder!

Love you girlie!!