I didn't think it was possible to get over the hurt. I say this to you today, because I was looking through past layouts and found my layout titled Sad, as I read it I remember clearly how angry and hurt I was. 3 yrs have past since I created this layout Sometimes we forget that it's not in our time, but in Gods time. He made a promise to me a long time ago and today he reminded me of this. Thank You to my Paper Treehouse for a wonderful challenge. I am going to share the journaling here
"Look at me, a grown woman sad. For the past 2 weeks this is how I have felt, so much has happened in the last 2 yrs in my life, and now is when I'm finally facing the decisions that have led me here.
Two years ago I made a decision to leave the congregation I was attending and a member of. I was not just a member, but the treasurer, president of the woman's fellowship at the local church and asst. treasurer for the Women's fellowship of the church council. My responsibilities were many, but at the time I didn't mind I enjoyed doing God's work. It was never about the titles, but of how we as a church can grow. I had such a passion to please God, but somewhere, some how I lost my focus. I place my confidence in man, forgetting that it was God in whom I had to be confident. Psalm 118:8 It is better to take refuge in the Lord, than to trust in man.� You see man will fail, and I forgot that.
Was I ignorant, did I believe that by making this decision my sisters and brother's in Christ would support me? NO, but I did believe that they wouldn't totally abandon me. My so called sisters who loved me while I was an active member who called me their friends are no longer around.
Was I surprised; YES because we shared I thought the good, bad, and sometimes the ugly. We talked, laughed, cried; now it's gone. I question were they really my friends. Did they really love me, would they care that I'm sad, because I feel abandoned by them. I don't know the answer. I have tried to reach out to them and I would get the Oh I'm busy or can I call you back. Still Waiting? NO. Do I understand that they may not want to socialize with an outsider. NO. I thought we were friends, no wait I thought we were sisters in Christ.
Have I changed? Yes, sometimes so much so I feel bitter and sadness because yet again man has failed me. Did they forget the hurt I went through? YES!
I wonder yet again if they have forgotten the parable of the Prodigal Son. Do they have no hope that the Lord will touch my heart once again and make me whole again? Do I forgive as God has one so many times (70X70); I'm so desperately trying to. It's hard feeling the way that I do.
I called upon God today, and asked him for strength, forgiveness, and healing and so willingly He answered. You have been forgiven, I have loved you from the moment you were conceived, and I have your life in my hands. I will mend your heart; put your faith in Me. I will not forsake you. I love you, I will take away this sadness, and I will bring you joy; just put your faith in Me."
Wow, is all I can say when I read this, but then I realized Thank you Lord because You have brought back that joy. If you're wondering have I forgiven those who I believed at the time hurt me. Yes I have, I am now going back to that same church. I realized that with so many changes going on in my life and decisions that had to be made concerning Chris that I needed God, that I needed to fellowship with people who guess what? Still loved me, yes they do. They put our family in their prayers, I have such peace now but that is only because God was able to heal, and mend my broken heart. Because even in my darkest hour I was able to reach for God. I journaled when I was upset, put it down creating my layouts and you know when they say creating memories for the future it could be just 3 years later just to see where I was and where I am now. My current layout is about being confident " Be Confident of this very thing that he which begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ" So I just want to say be encouraged and even in your darkest hours seek Him, and He too will show you how you have grown, how to forgive.
Thanks for reading!