Thursday, December 2, 2010

Full circle

I didn't think it was possible to get over the hurt. I say this to you today, because I was looking through past layouts and found my layout titled Sad, as I read it I remember clearly how angry and hurt I was. 3 yrs have past since I created this layout  Sometimes we forget that it's not in our time, but in Gods time. He made a promise to me a long time ago and today he reminded me of this. Thank You to my Paper Treehouse for a wonderful challenge. I am going to share the journaling here
"Look at me, a grown woman sad. For the past 2 weeks this is how I have felt, so much has happened in the last 2 yrs in my life, and now is when I'm finally facing the decisions that have led me here.
Two years ago I made a decision to leave the congregation I was attending and a member of. I was not just a member, but the treasurer, president of the woman's fellowship at the local church and asst. treasurer for the Women's fellowship of the church council. My responsibilities were many, but at the time I didn't mind I enjoyed doing God's work. It was never about the titles, but of how we as a church can grow. I had such a passion to please God, but somewhere, some how I lost my focus. I place my confidence in man, forgetting that it was God in whom I had to be confident. Psalm 118:8 It is better to take refuge in the Lord, than to trust in man.� You see man will fail, and I forgot that.
Was I ignorant, did I believe that by making this decision my sisters and brother's in Christ would support me? NO, but I did believe that they wouldn't totally abandon me. My so called sisters who loved me while I was an active member who called me their friends are no longer around.
Was I surprised; YES because we shared I thought the good, bad, and sometimes the ugly. We talked, laughed, cried; now it's gone. I question were they really my friends. Did they really love me, would they care that I'm sad, because I feel abandoned by them. I don't know the answer. I have tried to reach out to them and I would get the Oh I'm busy or can I call you back. Still Waiting? NO. Do I understand  that they may not want to socialize with an outsider. NO. I thought we were friends, no wait I thought we were sisters in Christ.
Have I changed? Yes, sometimes so much so I feel bitter and sadness because yet again man has failed me. Did they forget the hurt I went through? YES!
I wonder yet again if they have forgotten the parable of the Prodigal Son. Do they have no hope that the Lord will touch my heart once again and make me whole again? Do I forgive as God has one so many times (70X70); I'm so desperately trying to. It's hard feeling the way that I do.
I called upon God today, and asked him for strength, forgiveness, and healing and so willingly He answered. You have been forgiven, I have loved you from the moment you were conceived, and I have your life in my hands. I will mend your heart; put your faith in Me. I will not forsake you. I love you, I will take away this sadness, and I will bring you joy; just put your faith in Me."

Wow, is all I can say when I read this, but then I realized Thank you Lord because You have brought back that joy. If you're wondering have I forgiven those who I believed at the time hurt me. Yes I have, I am now going back to that same church. I realized that with so many changes going on in my life and decisions that had to be made concerning Chris that I needed God, that I needed to fellowship with people who guess what? Still loved me, yes they do. They put our family in their prayers, I have such peace now but that is only because God was able to heal, and mend my broken heart. Because even in my darkest hour I was able to reach for God. I journaled when I was upset, put it down creating my layouts and you know when they say creating memories for the future it could be just 3 years later just to see where I was and where I am now. My current layout is about being confident " Be Confident of this very thing that he which begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ" So I just want to say be encouraged and even in your darkest hours seek Him, and He too will show you how you have grown, how to forgive.
Thanks for reading!


Nana Campana said...

I am so proud of you for being willing to share this with us... It only serves as evidence that the Lord heals. They say that time heals, but the truth is that time just reveals how God does the healing! :)


Susie said...

what a wonderful post and a lovely layout! I really enjoyed the post! thank you for visiting my blog! From one New Yorker to another!

Julie Tucker-Wolek said...

This is GORGEOUS Dolores!!! I loveeeeeeeeeee the journaling!! Soooooooooooooo touching! :):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)

Tabitha said...

Dolores thankyou so much for sharing your sad time with us. Remember to lift up your heart in Thanksgiving and give praise to the One who gives us all his comfort and help!

Elizabeth said...

Isn't it amazing friend how God takes us on a journey and even though it sometimes is quite hard the outcome of that journey is so sweet!!!
I am proud of you for going through this because you are a true testament to the Lord working in your life!

Also its so amazing to go back and see our work from years ago isn't it? I always find myself looking at layouts that I had done in that moment and even though I am passed whatever place that was, I am reminded where God has taken me!

Have a really great weekend Dolores!

Pinky said...

Wow, so moving Dolores. Your honesty is so refreshing and encouraging to me. I am blessed to know you

ruth said...

Wow........great layouts and AMAZING journaling. As I was reading your story I was prompted to jot down some notes as they came to mind....something I think I need to do a layout about. Thanks for the inspiration!