Search me, Oh God...

and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts. Psalms 139:23. This is the verse I chose for my cover journal for my Ashes to Beauty course. I have to say that I am truly honored and blessed to be part of this course. It has allowed me to really dig deep into my heart, my hurts, and my struggles with forgiveness. Funny I didn't think when I first began this journey that I had a struggle with forgiveness. I thought I was past all that, but there is a hold in my heart right now I'm going to say it's a blockage to an artery that can be critical in my walk with the Lord.
For the past 2 weeks I've been thinking about my childhood, I have even questioned where was God then, but I am realizing that His was there protecting a little girl from a physically abusive father. At the age of 15 that same father was strangling me, and I remember wanting to die asking God to take me, but He had something more for me. What I love about reading the word, and in particular Psalms 139 is that He was there when I was created, in the secret place. God knows the truth, and I am comforted by that, but I am also afraid of being let down. So I am asking God to continue the work in me, give me strength. thanks for stopping by.